I often see messages from wonderfully caring family and friends who are feeling lost and helpless, and just want to show love and support for their loved one experiencing miscarriage. It makes me so happy to see the outpouring of support for those experiencing miscarriage. I know that my support network helped carry me through my tough days during and after each of my miscarriages. If you are looking ideas, here are the best gifts you could include in a Miscarriage care package.
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A card letting them know you are there for them
Going through a miscarriage can feel very lonely. Most people in their lives will never quite understand what they’ve gone through. When they go shopping or back to work, nothing looks wrong and yet it is physically draining and their heart is breaking. It suddenly feels like life is turned upside down, and so many everyday conversations and experiences can cause those emotions to resurface. Just knowing that others are thinking of you, supporting you, and recognizing your pain is so important.
If you are considering sending a card or a gift to a friend or family member who is experiencing a miscarriage, I’d like to ask you to also send a card or note or check in near their due date. I know you are reading this because you care deeply. When the due date rolls around, the parents are grieving and thinking of what might have been. Meanwhile it seems like the world goes on without them. Letting your loved one know that you have not forgotten their baby and their grief would be a big help.
Food
During my miscarriages, my mom desperately wanted to help me. It was hard for her to watch my grief and be unable to relieve her daughter’s pain. Thankfully, when my mom wants to help, her first instinct is to buy groceries and bring meals, snacks and homemade desserts. And while my husband and I were grieving, and I was going through the physical pain of miscarrying, no one felt like cooking. Having all kinds of food around that we didn’t have to prepare ourselves was a big blessing.
If you are looking for ideas, there are many ways you could provide meals or comfort foods. You don’t need to be a great cook or have a lot of free time.
- Gift cards for take out are always a winner
- Home cooked meals (hot and ready or frozen meals to reheat)
- Cookies, doughnuts, or ice cream
- Favorite snacks and candy
- If you are stopping by the store, consider asking if there’s anything they need. Saving them a trip to pick up ketchup or coffee will make their day easier
Paper plates, plastic utensils and cups
When you are going through a miscarriage, you don’t feel like doing dishes. Making sure your loved one is stocked up on paper products is an act of love that will make their life easier during this difficult time.
Soft blanket or pajamas
Going through a miscarriage is not only painful, it can make you feel like you aren’t yourself. A soft blanket or a nice, cozy set of pajamas could provide comfort or help your loved one feel more like themselves.
Heating pad
If you know that your loved one is actively miscarrying, or has a missed miscarriage and is waiting to miscarry, consider gifting a heating pad. A heating pad was one of the best things for my miscarriage pain and cramping. It got me through many long hours, and it would be a fabulous and thoughtful gift.
A good (distracting) book
Anything distracting is good while you are going through a miscarriage. Personally, I reread all the Lord of the Rings books and knitted to get through it. I preferred fantasy or light-hearted books, especially ones I read when I was younger for that nostalgia.
A miscarriage book or devotional
I was given the devotional book, Grieving the Child I Never Knew. It was written by a woman who has experienced recurrent pregnancy loss, and I found it to be helpful. It shares her experiences, and contains questions and a brief area for writing your thoughts in each section. If this doesn’t appeal to you, there are many other miscarriage books and devotionals to choose from.
Tea or coffee
There is just something calming and soothing about a warm beverage. If you know their favorite, buy a bag of coffee or some tea and honey for them to enjoy as they recover.
Tissues
You can never have too many tissues, especially the soft ones.
Period wipes
After spending hours bleeding, on and off the toilet, even the softest toilet paper starts to feel rough. It’s not pretty. Period wipes can make it a bit more comfortable.
Alcohol, deli meats, or other foods that she couldn’t enjoy during pregnancy
For me, I always get an Italian sub when I find out I’m having another miscarriage. It’s only a small comfort, but it’s something I always miss during pregnancy. Other ideas include raw cookie dough, ring bologna, sushi, or a rare steak.
An encouragement or memorial bracelet, necklace or ring
Personally, I love my birthstone ring to honor the 5 babies I never got the chance to hold. It’s a small way of keeping them with me and honoring them and what I’ve been through. There are many kinds of jewelry that can honor your loved one’s grief and loss. Some people like jewelry with baby feet or wings, but I didn’t want to have patients at work asking questions when I wasn’t emotionally ready to handle them. Forget-me-not jewelry is a beautiful and more subtle way to remember.
A bracelet with an encouraging message or a Bible verse can also be a winner. There will be more hard days ahead as your loved one works through their grief, and having that tangible reminder of your love and support along with an encouraging message can make a bad day a bit more bearable.
No matter what you decide to do, the important part is that you have decided to show your loved one that you are there to support them during their miscarriage. Having support during loss is so important, and I’m so thankful that you are choosing to reach out and let them know that you are there for them during their time of grief and pain.