When should I announce pregnancy?

Chances of a successful pregnancy

If you want to make your decision to share based on the chance of a successful pregnancy, there are some references you can use. First datayze has a Miscarriage Probability Chart that is helpful. You can input your specific information, including the number of pregnancy losses. The chart then gives you day-by-day probabilities of miscarriage vs successful pregnancy. Here are a few other statistics:

Risk of miscarriage after an ultrasound showing pregnancy with fetal cardiac activity (aka heartbeat):

9.4% after ultrasound at 6 weeks

4.2% after ultrasound at 7 weeks

1.5% after ultrasound at 8 weeks

0.5% after ultrasound at 9 weeks

Risk of miscarriage at the start of the second trimester (14 weeks): 1%

Risk of pregnancy loss (stillbirth) after 20 weeks: 0.6%

Chance of fetal anomalies on anatomy scan: 2.37%

When I like to announce pregnancy

I like to share the news in waves. In my opinion, the fear that the pregnancy will not be viable is not a reason to tell nobody. The way I see it, if I would tell someone about my miscarriage, then I have no problem telling them about my pregnancy early. Everyone needs a support network, whether that’s family or friends. After 5 pregnancy losses, my support network of prayer warriors has only gotten bigger.

The first wave should be trusted family and close friends, and I like to tell them right away. We shared with a few family and close friends around 11 weeks during the pregnancy that became my first miscarriage. Later that week, we went in for a check up due to some spotting, and found out we lost the baby. The timing felt awful. Why did we tell anyone? Why hadn’t we waited one more week? But you know, I really needed those people. As hard as those phone calls and texts were to let people know about the loss, the outpouring of love from them was something I desperately needed.

After that experience, I knew that when I would become pregnant again, I would have a few trusted people I would tell right away. And that’s what we did with pregnancies 3-7. We told our immediate families and a few close friends. They support, encourage, and pray for me as we anxiously wait for an early ultrasound. And when things have gone sideways for us, I’ve been able to count on them for encouragement, hugs, prayers, and help when we need it.

Especially during pregnancy after a loss, the anxiety can eat you alive. Having someone trusted to talk about pregnancy concerns with is so important. Also, letting those closest to you know about your pregnancy can take off a bit of pressure – there are now a few people you can be yourself with and not have to hide. When family and close friends know, you don’t have to pretend you’re not tired, you can be sick openly, and you don’t need excuses for avoiding certain foods and alcohol.

Telling Boss and Coworkers

I work in healthcare, so I don’t get the luxury of waiting to tell my boss and coworkers I’m pregnant. To be safe and make sure that I’m not coming in contact with chemicals, machines, and illnesses that are dangerous to pregnancy, everyone has to know right away.

If I didn’t need to, I probably wouldn’t have told my coworkers so soon. But I have to say, I’m so glad that I do have to tell them right away.  And when I lose a pregnancy, my coworkers all find out right away too. Coworkers are the people you spend the most time with every week. Who wants to spend most of your waking hours trying to hide nausea, fatigue, gut-wrenching anxiety, or even grief? Not me. 

My coworkers are so supportive. At two different jobs, my coworkers have watched over me during my pregnancies and encouraged and supported me in my losses. They have cleared my schedule and taken my patients on their own schedules when I had spotting and had to leave work. They have lovingly smacked my hands and kept me from lifting any patients at work while pregnant. And they have hugged me and cried with me in my fear and loss.

I understand that not everyone has coworkers with whom they can be vulnerable. That’s OK. But if you have a trusted coworker or a good relationship with your boss, I encourage you to share about your pregnancy early. It has made my life much easier. At each job my husband and I have had, as we shared our story, we have heard the stories of our coworkers who have also experienced pregnancy loss. And those coworkers have been such a blessing to me.

When to announce pregnancy publicly

We do still wait until we hit the second trimester to make a general announcement. Frankly, if we were to announce a pregnancy publicly and then lose it, it would be just too hard to make sure everyone also heard about the loss. And I would struggle to handle my emotions in the early weeks of loss if I ran into a friend in a grocery store who congratulated me on a pregnancy because they didn’t know.

I do like to share with others about our experience with miscarriages. That’s important to me. I just want to be able to do so on my own terms, and not during an awkward encounter with someone in a public place on some of my worst days.

Why I don’t wait until 20 weeks

Personally, I don’t see a reason to wait until the anatomy scan at 20 weeks to share the news. And there are three big reasons for that.

First, at 20 weeks, I was obviously pregnant even with my first. Even if I hadn’t told people, they would have known. They may have been too polite to say anything, but no amount of baggy clothing or layers would have fooled them. There are a few people who aren’t showing at 20 weeks. But I think for most of us, it’s not possible to truly hide it that long.

Second, no stage of pregnancy is completely safe, even after an anatomy scan. The chances of loss are much lower once a pregnancy reaches 13 weeks. This is why many people wait until the end of the first trimester for a public announcement. If genetic or chromosomal conditions are your concern, these can be screened for in the first trimester with blood tests. You don’t need to wait for the anatomy scan anymore. And for us, it never mattered if there was a fetal anomaly or birth defect. We plan to carry the baby anyway regardless, so it doesn’t matter what a genetic test or anatomy scan would show.

The final aspect I consider is that if something were to go wrong after 20 weeks, the physical and mental toll would likely be greater. I would need even more support and more time off of work. When I would return to public spaces, I would need extra understanding from those around me.

There is no right or wrong answer for when to announce pregnancy. But what I do want you to know, as someone who has gone through pregnancy loss, is that it is OK to tell people early about your pregnancy. Hopefully, everything will go well, but even if it doesn’t, you will need people who care about you in your corner.

Citations:

1. Tong S, Kaur A, Walker SP, Bryant V, Onwude JL, Permezel M. Miscarriage risk for asymptomatic women after a normal first-trimester prenatal visit. Obstet Gynecol. 2008 Mar;111(3):710-4. doi: 10.1097/AOG.0b013e318163747c. PMID: 18310375.
2. https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart#google_vignette
3. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9685-stillbirth
4. Garne E, Dolk H, Loane M, Eurocat PAB. Eurocat Website Data on Prenatal Detection Rates of Congenital Anomalies. Journal of Medical Screening. 2010;17(2):97-98. doi:10.1258/jms.2010.010050